Stranded I woke up with a numb mind. There was no plan to get out of the bed except the untimely work event that presented itself. That definitely got me moving...
Liberated I was sleep deprived for last few days. Was travelling for work and returning to home in cab. Cab rides, remind me of me talking to her. The long chats...
People You meet people for a reason. Either you need them to change your life or it is you who will change theirs
Song In Heart The sensor bell for his movement went off in the wee hours of the morning. I got up to help him and after helping him I found myself unable to...
A Good Thing We have parted ways for a while now. I understand I forced that upon us, so it is understandable there must be some resentment to it. I can also imagine...
A Life That Wasn't Today’s post is about someone, whom I had not known or not kept in touch with. I had a neighbour when I was growing up. Someone of my mother’s age....
Resurrected It has been long. When I left this blog to wither and decay, I did not assume I would need to visit it back. For a time it was my...
Dormant I haven’t been here in a while. It has been a conscious choice. I have held myself back largely. There are several unpublished drafts that I don’t think I’ll publish...
Irrational I am out there somewhere. But not here. I have become so nervous about the weekends, that I go and numb myself with liquor even before they fully kick in....
Introspection It has been a month since I started tracking my mood to build a better understanding of whether I am on a path of recovery yet or not. Looking at...
Love letter Sometimes I wonder why do I write everything that I write here? And then I stumbled on a letter that Richard Feynman wrote to his wife 16 months after she...
Stand up comedy I just dreamt about her whole night. The one I saw in the early hours stuck with me among the different ones that I saw.
Museli My emotions have been running unchecked for 2 days now. Leaking corners of eyes every few minutes. Three only thing I can do it look away and try and shut...
Moot This week went faster than the last one. Work slowly consuming me as I let it. A constant thread in the back if my mind about how every passing day...
Quandary I slept well. Saw so many dreams mixing reality, past and imagination with fictional TV content. As I step into the morning, they fade fast. And yet, I feel tired...
Lonely There are so many times when I wished that I would somehow get away from everything and everyone and no one is able to find me. But it mostly remained...
Finally alone Bit by bit, I have navigated my path to detach and distance. Incrementally doing the hard thing to lead myself where I need to be. No one checking in, no...
Chasm What am I supposed to say? How am I to respond to something heartfelt? You can’t be the one to put up a wall and then pretend that it doesn’t...
Stuck Sometimes I wonder if she remembers me still. The fast fading memory of a time and person that was transitory and ephemeral. Maybe one day she will wake up and...
Aftershocks I was going about my business as usual. Mind galloping through the fields of memories and then suddenly I stumbled on this realisation that talking to myself constantly in my...
Frustration My mind is possibly my arch-nemesis. Talking me up and cajoling to do nice things for self and telling me how I have everything under control. And then when a...
Fairy tales Fairy tales are more than true: not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten. ~ Neil Gaiman & G.K. Chesterton...
Inequality There was always a certain inequality in the relationship. In my attempt to be a glassfrog I have created an inlet for the others to peep-in without being offered that...
Not waving but drowning Nobody heard him, the dead man, But still he lay moaning: I was much further out than you thought And not waving but drowning. Poor chap, he always loved larking...
Dashed hopes I stood there, watching the dust cloud settle as the little remaining joy in my life drove into the sunset. How can I feel so helpless about it when I...
God I am not a religious person. Haven’t been one for more than 2 decades now. But I remember quite well that 4 am of the morning more than 17 years...
Hope and rejection I have been feeling guilty, and so I know I did something wrong. It is simply cruel to scratch the wounds and keep them fresh, of your own and those...
Beats I lie in this bed unable to walk. And a single song runs on a loop. She asked me if the songs with faster beats make me feel better?
Slow down There is nowhere I need to be. There is no one waiting for me. There is nothing I hope to accomplish in specific. There is nothing waiting to happen. There...
Fall Running up the steps I missed the last one. As the ankle twisted and I heard a distinctive crack, the first emotion that accompanied the searing pain was that of...
Forbidden love I spent a big part of last two decades wandering alone in these dark alleys of my mind. Reminding myself that I am alone and there is nothing more difficult...
Sinking I am starting to see my cycles. Emotions, being stoic and then relapsing into unhealthy eating and drinking and then waking up with regret of not having better control. The...
Detached I have been wondering if a sudden lack of emotional response healthy, normal or expected? Or my mind is just taking a break. I feel unaffected by everything. I feel...
Swirl Mind swimming in the pool of memories downing all emotions with an alluring swill relapsing and reliving the moments bygone of the time that I wished, only stayed still
Forgotten I am sitting in a corner sipping a neat gin, wondering why am I doing that? It is very unlike me. I scan through the crowds to see if I...
Recovery I fell asleep last night putting kids to sleep. The night was plagued with broken sleep, distant dreams and swirling mind.
Limbo Every time I sit in my car and start driving, my mind is crowded with irrational thoughts. I want to act on my impulse, and then I slowly talk myself...
Sunset I didn’t know until then, that a calm breeze & setting sun could be so peaceful. It fed the souls, calmed the mind and melted the hearts. Despite the fact...
Hate I am sooooo out there, no sense of reality around me. I keep checking my messages, but they don’t come.
I am ok The volume won’t go any higher. I am struggling to describe how I feel. I have this irrational euphoria now that I have disconnected from the physical world around me....
Silence This silence around me that somehow found me incessant ringing in ears whispering of my fears missing sanity that it stole this silence it will swallow me whole
Anger Read something I shouldn’t have. I had warned myself not to do that. But now the words are out there and spoken. Nothing can take them back. Just like the...
Grief Am I not allowed to take a pause and grieve loss of love? People around me, my mind, my life won’t let me pause. It has a way to bend...
Parched I am craving a drink. To drown these feelings and the loneliness that night brings everyday. Acutely aware that this is where path to self destruction begins.
Other side I have a feeling that I am drowning getting swept away with the flow of tide this life lost in finding my way to you I will hopefully find you...
Dreams I think we dream so we don’t have to be apart for so long. If we’re in each other’s dreams, we can be together all the time ~ Winnie-the-pooh
Pieces It feels like I am embarking on this steep climb ahead of me, alone. It is dark and desolated. There is haunting music echoing around. Every time I wish for...
Slow day I just finished lunch. Came back to my work desk. My next meeting is 30 minutes away. As I look for ways to fill these 30 minutes, I mindlessly scroll...
Empty Peering into my soul, I see it suspended emotionless in a corner. As if it has been wrung dry of feelings. I don’t feel like feeling anything. Don’t feel like...
Stoic I am surprisingly devoid of emotions this morning. I imagined my body would refuse to get out of the bed today. But I did and made tea for dad. I...
No time for caution I cannot let me go to sleep like that. It is 4 am. I need some courage and inspiration, so I am resorting to this clip. I’ll attempt and dock...
Tunnel I started at 10 pm. It is 3:22. What am I going to tell her, if she ever finds out? She is going to be so mad. She can never...
Until I see you again Just typing that title broke me down. I looked at myself in the mirror and questioned if it really mattered how I looked. Why do I care? No one else...
Okay I pretend to be okay. When I woke up this morning, I realised that part of me refused to wake up with me today. Maybe it is hibernating or maybe...
The end and a beginning It is new years eve. Honestly, I have never cared about them and this one isn’t any more special. I want this day to be as uneventful as possible. I...
Night Night is the hardest. It absconds from the humdrum and ambient noise of the life. The eerie silence never fails to remind you of the loneliness that perpetually surrounds you....
Afloat Today I have run out of music and I dwell in my dreams. Keeping the eyes shut. Listening noise to crowd the mind with thoughts and empty the heart of...
Far We could have been hugging each other, but for the first time I felt the distance that I have not felt before. Felt incredibly alone. With everything that has happened...
Alone The eerie quiet around me unnatural and unknown I managed to wither myself free into the freedom of being alone
Last Words It was the end of the road for her. She had known that for a while, I knew it only in that moment. She had slipped away and continued to...
Free The space that separates us space that surrounds me has me huddled in a corner when it was suppose to set me free Battling against my own thoughts mind attempting...
Hope Today morning it just hit me how little control I have on my life. An uninterrupted sleep through the night was something I took for granted for so long. Sometimes...
Uncertainty It is like a habit, just going back to the same place again and again to see if there is a message. Knowing very well that there might not be...
Crossroads As the rubber hits the tarmac, I am no more in transit. I am supposed to be home now. The consequences of my decisions is reality of my life now....
Time Time. My worst fear. I worried, we would have lost it only to realise that it is too late to make a change in our lives. I didn’t want to...
Survive Love can overpower our sanity and reason. The ask to help replace the love you feel, sounds unreasonable and almost vengeful. Yet, I agreed, knowing that even the thought of...
Not Lost Lost in a sea of people, I go where my steps take me. Huddled between strangers, miles above the ocean, there is nowhere I need to be. On a journey...
A full circle Months ago, I was in this city, fervently typing my heart out to you. It is a bit ironical that my next trip here has concluded our time together. Almost...
No turning back I am sitting here, my back squeezing the pillow into the wall. I close my eyes, and I am transported to your living room. Giggling and lazing around on the...
