Anger

Read something I shouldn't have. I had warned myself not to do that. But now the words are out there and spoken. Nothing can take them back. Just like the numerous ones that I said.

People belittling my problems. Trying to rationalise how I am unreasonable and needy and piece of shit. Nothing that I did not expect. And I don't even like these people. I don't care about their opinion.

But reading it, pushed me into a dark place. Confirming my belief that no one gets me. Everyone thinks I am being dramatic. And then I think, am I being dramatic? Maybe I am. It doesn't change the fact that I am reminded again today morning that I have come to this battle alone, and if I perish, it won't be at anyone's side.

Everything that I believe I am sacrificing, is only for making this work because I feel responsible for everyone around me.

I knew I would isolate me and be dwelling in this world of self loathing. Everyone thinks that only companionship is important so that is what I will be, a good companion. For rest of my fucking life.

And for everything else that I need to deal with, I will do using this blog. It is no substitute for people, but then I don't think people will do a better job at listening.

This was not how I imagined my Friday starting. But it did. Can't wait for the day to finish so that I can go back to my Friday ritual of finishing bottles.

Fuck all this crap. And fuck everyone.