Forbidden love

I spent a big part of last two decades wandering alone in these dark alleys of my mind. Reminding myself that I am alone and there is nothing more difficult than to not have someone by your side to hold you when you need it. A decade and half later I have realised that I was wrong.

Having someone by your side, who is forbidden in some sense, is harder. Knowing that want to hold you and convincing yourself that it is not morally right or allowed is exponentially harder. It is almost heart crushing. Somewhat similar to being stranded on an island waiting to be rescued. And then watching a ship go by without doing anything because your situation would prevent you from hailing the help that is available. Right there. In front of you.

Fading warmth of an embrace
now, just a fond memory of a time
eyes brimming with love and longing
simple love , that somehow felt like a crime

Today evening, the floodgates have opened and a lot of feelings have come in rushing back. As if the mind has given itself the permission to feel everything that it had been bottling up for past few days now.

I miss you.