God

I am not a religious person. Haven't been one for more than 2 decades now. But I remember quite well that 4 am of the morning more than 17 years ago when things got unbearable for me after having stayed up, spiralling down through the night. At 4 am, I needed someone to tell me it is going to be ok. I picked up the bike and drove all the way to the place I had not visited in several years then. I climbed up about 200 stairs to the main hall. It was lit up, sparsely occupied with few people in the wee hours. It was decorated and lit up for a royalty, as it always is. I had driven my mom to the place a numerous times, but this was the first time, I was visiting for myself. I wasn't there to bargain, plead or succumb to a higher power that I believe does not exist, irrefutably so. I just needed the idea that someone or something was going to make it better. Which is how largely the religious machinery is powered. The unwavering faith and belief without empirical evidence.

And yet, despite all my skepticism, as I sat huddled in a corner, the music slowly drowned me. It was just a chant with 4 words. Repeated. I think I sat there for 3 hours into the morning, listening and lost. For that one day, I believed in the idea of god. Whether the god was in form of that chant or in the form of music that underscored the chant to bring the peace, I cannot differentiate. But I walked away that morning better and healed in parts.

It is not that I discovered the god and the chant for the first time in my life on that day. I in fact grew up listening to this in different ways. But it was my ability to accept it with the open heart that day, maybe, made all the difference.

So today, I am just listening to the same music. I know the idea of me listening to this would shock people who know me, but if there is one god who stepped up to pull me out ever, it was this chant.

This song possibly embodies the sound of selfless love towards the idea of someone or something. And I believe, that can help heal the wounds that are born of broken hearts. So I'll just drift to sleep, while this plays today on endless loop today.