Limbo

Every time I sit in my car and start driving, my mind is crowded with irrational thoughts. I want to act on my impulse, and then I slowly talk myself out of it.

Step by step, convincing myself that I am over romanticising the possibilities and the life. I tell myself about the impracticality of the idea. How the rosy nature of it all will be over even before I know it. How I will regret my choices everyday and will become the reason for derailing so many lives.

However in one of those moments it dawned on me that possibly I am attaching more importance to just the decision part of it, whereas either decision is ok. What would really matter is my ability to commit to it and walk that path down navigating with best effort at every step.

And so I wondered, if I have already made the decision how do I navigate it now? And I just feel stuck. I know what needs to be done but I just don’t have the heart or will to do it.

I continue to dwell in this limbo where there are no clear choices or answers. I know I need to move forward as the next step, but my heart isn’t cooperating with my mind.

It needs to heal before it does. I don’t know what to do tide over this except give it time and wait in this limbo.