Tunnel

I started at 10 pm. It is 3:22. What am I going to tell her, if she ever finds out? She is going to be so mad. She can never find out. That's five and half hours of drinking. Tonight I have become everything I was ever worried about. Drunk, incoherent and lonely. I feared this would happen.

I convinced myself I needed to see Requiem for a dream. It was a terrible idea. My mind had discarded the memory of how that movie ended for a reason. And I worry that I'll never be able to forget it now.

I want to sleep. I do not want to be responsible for anyone today. As my eyes shut down I wonder if I have that choice. I don't.

Sometimes, I hate my life so much. I do. I do. I do. I fucking do.

Fuck. This. Shit.

The light in tunnel is so far away today. Light is the symbol of hope. But I am going to lie here today and get back to this tomorrow.

Maybe.